By the Garden of Sesshoumaru's Yamajiro||[Rin,INV]

[Sesshoumaru / Yuunagi no Kimi]

The plink-plink-plink of rain pattering on fluted tiles...
The pit-plat of heavy droplets splashing against stone...
The rhythmic tok of the garden’s shishi odoshi...

A lethargic chorus.
Joined by the heady scent of mingled earth and air.
Of spring and renewal.

Thunder crackles in the distance.
One second...
Three seconds...
Five-

Lighting dances between gray clouds.

A whimper...
A startled shift underneath my hand...
A small body burrows near.

Clawed fingers stained with blood,
now take tender a touch
to assuage a child’s fear.

Rare were these moments of respite, for he was often out--restlessly wandering. He never could stay in one place for very long.

Yet, on this rainy day, Sesshoumaru was content to stay inside the mountain castle.

The darkened room’s shoji door had been slid open to let in the late afternoon's balmy air. With his back propped against the doorway's frame, Sesshoumaru was seated on the porch. He was without his armor and sword. The former he left in the room he now shared with his mate—although, with how rarely he stayed within his home, the room had more so become hers than his own. As for the latter, although not worn, he laid nearby--never far from his reach.

Silently, he sat with his left leg drawn upward, and his forearm draped over his knee. His left side faced the outside, while into his right, a small body burrowed. There was a sudden loud clash of thunder and lighting. The child shook and whimpered. Sesshoumaru sighed, and hoped the little one’s fear toward the storm was just a passing phase that his son would grow out of—preferably sooner than later. Still, his hand came to rest atop the child’s head, which peeked out from under the fur of his mokomoko. Idly, while Sesshoumaru gazed outside, his fingers scratched calmingly through thick white hair. Listening to the pattering rain, the young daiyoukai watched as droplets splashed against the leaves and flora of the burgeoning garden, beyond. Time passed in silence, with the only sound being the droning rhythm of the storm. Then, the wood flooring creaked under the weight of footsteps, and Sesshoumaru awakened with an inhale. The sound of the rain had lulled him to sleep.

As the footsteps drew nearer, his nose twitched and he scented the air. Even though the rain dulled his sense of smell, he could still pick out her fragrance. Although human, with the lingering traces of orchid, she smelled more like spring over an open field of flora. It was a kind of brightness unique to the girl.

No, he corrected himself. Girl no longer. A woman now.

And…

Although he did not acknowledge her approach with words, he did shift his gaze away from the garden to settle upon her. His head inclined, and a genuine smile—though very small and even briefer—ghosted at the corners of his eyes and mouth.

Expectantly, he waited for her to speak.

[Rin]

It was unsettling to be alone in an unfamiliar place. Rin wandered through the long hallways of Sesshoumaru's yamajiro as the walls seemed to stretch around her. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew where she was trying to go - to Sesshoumaru. As of now, she only felt comfortable near him; although she hoped that would change soon, since she was planning on living here.

Her lifestyle had changed drastically since yesterday. Before, Rin had been living in Kaede's village among humans - Inu-Yasha and Shippou being the exceptions - while under the care of Priestess Kaede. Although recently Kaede had passed away, and Rin had to resort to selling orchids for a living because she refused to marry. Despite living there for ten years, Rin did not feel like she would miss it all that much; she had friends there, but not even they could hold her back from returning to Sesshoumaru. Kohaku would probably be the one she would miss the most, as they were childhood friends.

'I can go back to visit them occausionly...' Rin thought with a small smile, 'I will adjust to this new life, it only requires time.'

Rin remembered how she rode A-Un again after so many years, it was like nothing had changed. Her village life almost seemed like one long dream that she had finally awoken from. It was so refreshing to feel the wind against her face as she traveled through the skies, alongside Sesshoumaru. Her experience didn't last long though, as she had been so exhausted from her battle with herself that she fell asleep quickly upon the two-headed dragon.

Upon awakening, Rin had found herself in a brand new place. She was lying on a traditional kakefuton, inside of a relatively empty room. She was still wearing the same clothes she had left in, but there was a folded kimono lying beside her. A dog-like servant had prepared her a bath, and helped her get ready for the day. It was a rather strange experience, as Rin had always fended for herself throughout her life.

She was surprised when the servant claimed they did not know where Sesshoumaru was, when she had asked. She had decided to look for him herself, as she used a decorative rope to tie up the shorter part of her hair.

Rin was still looking for him. The servants she passed by often looked at her strangely, but did not attempt to speak with her. She hoped that she would find Sesshoumaru soon, if he was even here at all. As Rin came closer to the porch, she could hear the constant sound of rain accented with other natural features.

Somehow, she knew that Sesshoumaru would be there.

Rin approached and - as she had expected - he was there. She stopped suddenly upon sight of him, and took a deep breath. 'He looks so peaceful... I almost do not want to disturb him.' He must have detected her, as he turned his head to look at her, following his gaze with a faint smile.

Rin returned it with her own, but she also felt her heart skip a beat. 'Lord Sesshoumaru hardly ever smiles...' She felt her discomfort melt as she approached once again to seat herself next to him. "...I found you, Lord Sesshoumaru."

Upon sitting, she noticed the small, frightened child leaning into Sesshoumaru. She couldn't help but be reminded of herself as a child; when she was tormented by nightmares of the attacks on her villages, and Sesshoumaru had let her lean on him like that as she weeped. Before she had met Sesshoumaru, she had never cried. Even when the villagers beat her, she wouldn't cry. Sesshoumaru had given her back her life, her voice, and even her tears...

Rin played with the shorter part of her hair as she asked, "Who is this child, my Lord?" There was almost a sense of condolence in her voice, as she related to the child.

-

((OOC: I like this idea, Sesshoumaru, and I really like the Audio Mood too! I was so surprised when you posted this, and it made me happy. By the way, I imagine Rin's kimono looking something like ---this---.))

[Sesshoumaru / Yuunagi no Kimi]

Sesshoumaru watched as Rin sat beside him. From her scent, he could tell that she had bathed. Good—it had diluted the unpleasant scent of the moth youkai’s cocoon. With time, perhaps any other lasting effects would likewise fade. He could also see that she was wearing the blue Kimono that he had sent to her new room within his yamajiro. With satisfaction, he noted that it suited her.

At Rin’s question, Sesshoumaru’s gazed shifted away from her and to the subject of her inquiry.

The child.

The smile that had ghosted his face, moments ago, returned anew. He lifted his hand from the child’s head, and adjusted the fur of his mokomoko, so that Rin might get a better view. Sesshoumaru then nudged the little one’s check with the back of his knuckles, and the child's nose twitched as blue eyes opened.

The child was small—barely a toddler by human reckoning—and wrapped in boy’s kimono that was black in color. That this was a youkai child was obvious by the presence of small, clawed feet, pointed ears, and a tail. With his white hair and pale complexion, he held a resemblance to Sesshoumaru. However, the child carried no markings like that of Sesshoumaru, or the daiyoukai’s parents—save for a faint reddening at his temples.

“This child is called Sorawakamaru,” there was a measure of pride in his voice as he answered; “He is my son.”

[Rin]

'...His son?'

This took Rin by surprise. She had not been expecting that at all, although, she was uncertain of what she had been expecting to hear. The young woman pondered, as she attempted to process the idea of Sesshoumaru's son.

While observing the child further, she could not help but notice how Sesshoumaru smiled so fondly at him. This situation stirred something strange in her, but she could not define exactly how she felt. Rin realised that if Sesshoumaru had a son - that must have meant that he had a mate as well.

Rin also realised in that moment that she didn't know very much about Sesshoumaru.

Yet, why did she feel such a strong connection with the daiyoukai she hardly knew? Rin had always sensed a special bond between them, ever since she first saw him alone and wounded in the forest. Despite his lack of expression, and his mysterious nature - despite her ignorance of his past, she felt closer to him than anyone else...

Rin knew how she felt, and she could not deny it - she had never been more certain of something in her life. Although, she wondered how Sesshoumaru felt about her? Honestly, she had no idea; but she knew that she had to be of some significance to the daiyoukai. The extent of that care, though, she was uncertain how to measure.

"There is so much that I do not know about you, my Lord..." Rin wished that he would have opened up to her more, though she supposed that she had been a child during her travels with him, and that she would have been too immature to understand. 'Hopefully I can come to learn more about you, now that I am older.' She looked away from the child, and up at Sesshoumaru from her place. "Sorawakamaru is beautiful, how old is he?" Rin noticed that he looked a lot like Shippou did when she first began to live in the village - she wondered how recently the child had been born?

"...And, may I ask who the mother is? Does she live here with you, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Rin realised that she may have been asking too many questions. People would often tell her that she talked too much; Sesshoumaru seemed to balance her out, as he talked too little. Rin figured she would wait for a response; she didn't want to think too much about Sorawakamaru's mother until she knew more about her. It could only lead to unnecessary emotions worked up from unreliable assumptions. Although she tried to avoid the thought, she couldn't help but feel somewhat anxious at the idea of Sesshoumaru's mate, or wife.

Rin looked away and smiled to herself, out of insecurity. 'I am such a fool...'

[Sesshoumaru / Yuunagi no Kimi]

Rin was right. He never spoke much about himself. Usually, it was Jaken that divulged information about his personal life—whether Sesshoumaru wanted him to do such, or not. Therefore, there was little that Rin knew about him, in general; likewise, there was little that he knew about her own life over the past ten years of his absence from it. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. There was so much that she did not know—and while he was normally reluctant to share anything with anyone, this was Rin. She wasn’t just anyone.

“He is nearing his fifth summer,” Sesshoumaru answered after the silent moment passed. “His mother, Masame, is the Aka-tora-ken no Taisa (Captain of the Red Tiger Guard). You will meet her soon enough--she oversees the yamajiro.”

[Rin]

Rin blinked, the way Sesshoumaru addressed Sorawakamaru's mother was strange. He avoided mentioning his personal affilation with her - only that she was a mother and supervisor. He also brought up that she was the Captain of the Red Tiger Guard, although Rin had never heard of them before. She supposed that she would find out more about her when she met her, like Sesshoumaru had said. Rin couldn't help but want to know, though, was she his wife? Was she a mate, a lover, a mistress?

Most importantly, she wanted to know - did he love her?

Rin bit her lip, it was obvious that Sesshoumaru respected Masame - whether or not he loved her was unclear, but it wasn't unlikely. If their child was almost five years old, it was probable that they had developed a relationship over the course of time that Sesshoumaru stopped seeing her.

There was a silence for a while, as Rin twiddled her thumbs. She looked down at her hands, and she felt eyes on her - was Sesshoumaru looking at her? Was he expecting her to say something? Rin tilted her head in his direction, but it was not Sesshoumaru who was watching her, but the child.

Their eyes met, and Rin smiled at him. He was so beautiful, and small - simply looking at him warmed her heart. 'I wish...' She put a dainty hand on his head, to pet his hair. '...I wish that you were mine.'

As she grew older in Kaede's village, Rin saw many of the girls around her start to get married off to other village men, and even begin to have children. She remembered seeing them with their families and constantly debating with herself if she should get married as well - it wouldn't have been difficult for her, since a few village men had already offered. Despite this, Rin had refused to get married - perhaps it was foolish of her, because now... Now she was looking at Sesshoumaru's child. '...I wonder if I will ever have a family of my own.'

"...Where have you been the last ten years, Lord Sesshoumaru?" She stopped petting Sorawakamaru. "What have you been doing all of this time?"

Rin was sure that there was a reason why he stopped visiting her.

[Sesshoumaru / Yuunagi no Kimi]

“A lot happened in these past ten years—a war among the daiyoukai and those who would falsely think themself kami.” He trailed off then, uncertain about what to say next, for a lot felt as though it were an understatement. Due to the Owl’s assault, the castle in the sky was no more. His kind now numbered less than half what it had been prior; even one of his own sons was counted among the war’s death toll. While is thoughts dwelled on the war, Sesshoumaru’s right hand lifted and his claws stroked unconsciously as the fur of his mokomoko.

Sesshoumaru exhaled with a weighted sigh.

“It was not an easy war to win,” he spoke as gaze returned outside, although it wasn’t the garden at which he was looking. “Mother’s castle was taken by surprise. The yamajiro, itself, laid siege. Only through a mergence with the tora-ken was victory was gained—and then, just barely. In the war’s aftermath, too much was lost with too little gained.” His frown deepened at the corner of his mouth and his voice took on a guttural growl, “The enemy’s leader—a minokawa who’d taken the southern Owl King’ mantle—fled after his defeat. Now, my wife’s Monomi* guard the territory from within the grass, as I hunt abroad for that ignoble devil. The minokawa will die for what he has done to me and mine.”

With those words said, he glowered at the rain and ground his teeth for a long and seething minute. Hate and anger was as palpable in the air as the greater demon’s youki.

Then Sorawakamaru whimpered, and Sesshoumaru caught his laps of control. With an inhale, his youki dissipated and he schooled his features into a neutral expression. Turning his tawny eyes back toward his son, he shifted his weight and lowered his right hand from his mokomoko, to press his palm flat against the wood flooring. Propped against one arm, he settled into his new position. Leaning over Sora, and consequentially closer to Rin, he brought his left hand to rest upon his son. Soothingly, he trailed his knuckles across the toddler’s back. Whether the motion was to his son’s benefit, or his own, he did not know.

The daiyoukai was quiet as he watched his surviving son. Then his hand stilled as Sorawamakaru squirmed out from under his touch, before twisting to mouth at his hand—play-biting. His fingers twitch at the contact with sharp puppy teeth, but he otherwise did nothing to deter the behavior—as a human would. Mouthing was simply a youngling’s way of investigating his environment.

“This one…” Sessehoumaru’s voice was barely a murmur when he spoke, “He was not the only son born during wartime… There was a littermate.” As he said those words, he found himself surprised that he was submitting this wretched memory to Rin—it was not something he readily wanted to share with anyone.




((OOC: Monomi means “one who sees.” It, along with grass, is an old colloquialism that refers to people who are things like covert agents, mercenaries, assassins—aka, NINJA!))

[Rin]

As Rin listened intently to what Sesshoumaru was saying, she couldn't help but notice a change in his aura; previously it had been peaceful and calm, but she could tell that it was shifting away from that state and into something less positive - like a quiet anger, or frustration. She hadn't realised the possibility that her question could remind Sesshoumaru of some unpleasant memories, and had only asked out of curiousity. Rin looked down at her hands, which where folded lightly in her lap.

'How selfish...' She had not wanted to disturb him, especially when so recently before her entrance he had been content without her. Rin wanted to bring Sesshoumaru happiness with her presence, and instead she was upsetting him - although she knew that she was not the initial cause of his reaction - she knew that if she hadn't asked, then the memories wouldn't have been inspired.

Rin looked up toward Sesshoumaru. He had stopped speaking, and when she looked at him, she could tell that he was stressed - silently fusing with anger, or perhaps something similar. She felt concerned, she did not like to see Sesshoumaru like this. Changing the subject would probably be a good idea, so that he could get his mind off of this war he had mentioned. Rin reached out her hand to give him a comforting touch on his shoulder; but before she could, she heard the child whimper.

The young woman pulled her hand away as she noticed how all of the tension Sesshoumaru had previously harboured dissipated, and he relaxed. What Rin had hoped to do, was done simply by one sound from Sorawakamaru. '...Perhaps I need him, more than he needs me.'

The idea of that pained her, as she watched Sesshoumaru reposition himself in an attempt to comfort his son. She wanted more than anything to remain by Sesshoumaru's side, but it worried her that this desire may not be mutual. It was clear that Sesshoumaru was going through hard times right now, but he seemed to have the comfort of his child - and even Masame - which he had confirmed was his wife. 'I hope that I can find my place among them.' She thought, hopefully.

Sesshoumaru spoke again, though the words seemed to pain him. Rin was tired of sadness - she did not want Sesshoumaru to tell her anything, unless he wanted her to know.

"I am sorry for reminding you, my Lord. It was selfish of me to ask." She smiled to herself, and it made her feel a bit better. "Although I do want to know, it is not important. It was in the past, and I am simply happy that we are together again."

"If there is ever anything that you want to tell me though, I am always interested, Lord Sesshoumaru." With that said, she closed her eyes, and let the refreshing breeze blow across her face and through her hair.

[Sesshoumaru / Yuunagi no Kimi]

(OOC: I apologize beforehand for the content of this post. It was written while listening to Cold Play songs.)

Sesshoumaru watched Rin while she spoke. She offered her ear—to be there to listen to him—and yet, the daiyoukai found that he no longer had any words to give. While he did appreciate Rin’s offer, he was in no mood to accept it. Whatever urge it was that had driven him to voice his frustration had since waned.

Now, he only felt tired.

Drained.

A heavy sigh escaped, and Sesshoumaru shifted to lean his back against the door frame once again. In his still and silent manner, the daiyoukai withdrew into himself, and returned to watching the rain with an unseeing gaze. Despite Rin’s prompting, he now held no desire to continue this line of conversation. Even if he wanted to, he was uncertain whether he would be able to find the words.

Words…

They never came easy to him, especially the ones whose existence he did not want to acknowledge. Harder still were they to share. Words like pain, regret, grief…. Such things contradicted his impervious demeanor—his callous and uncaring mien. He did not know how to deal with those words, so he often locked them way and filled their place with anger, hate, blame, and disdain. When these also became too much to bare, he divorced himself from any words at all.

Therefore, he was surprised when the words he would not find, found him instead.

“Failure is something I do not tolerate. Death to that which is mine... less so. I despise the pain of loss—loathe how it can render one weak. Thus, in my quest for power, for supreme conquest, I decided that I would cherish nothing. If there is nothing to protect, nothing can be lost. And so this I believed, until I was shown the fallacy of my reasoning: a guard-dog cannot not deny the need to protect, any more than a fish can deny the need to swim. It is in our blood; it is how we are made.”

There was a pause, and Sesshoumaru inhaled. “It is ironic…” he continued in a voice quieter and more somber than before, “that I, who would protect none, must now ensure the protection of many. Yet, by denying such a fundamental drive, for so very long, I consequentially lost the ability to do so. In the end, it was my own hubris that left me with a wound more crippling than the severing of this arm had been.” He lifted his hand and stared at the pale skin—a hand returned, but devoid of the markings his right wore. His left hand then clenched as disgust entered his voice, “In the end, it is I, Sesshoumaru, who became something intolerable: a dog who can protect nothing.”

“Mother was captured, tortured, and nearly made catatonic; her castle in the sky was destroyed; my territory was laid to ruin; many of those who held loyalty to my Great and Terrible Father are now dead.” He would not meet Rin’s eyes as he spoke his damning words; in his depression, the shame and self-recrimination had become far too gripping. He would not have Rin’s pity or her sympathy—he did not want it. Then, as though to prove to Rin, and himself, that he was even undeserving of her comfort, he added, “Moreover, this child, Sorawakamaru, has become my only son. I did not save his brother… I did not uphold the responsibility to protect my own from my enemy. Another price paid for this failure: a life never allowed to live. An infant son… irrevocably dead… irretrievable by both Tenseiga and the Meido seki.”